I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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