i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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