I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
