you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
