New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
