so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The air taste purple.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
