and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
