So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
