Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
