So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
