He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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