i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
