Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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