Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
