Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
