it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
