Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
