Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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