I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
