I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
