Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize