Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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