I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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