And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
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I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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