Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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