He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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