I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
