theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
