My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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