to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
where does the pee come out of this thing
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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