Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i was born a porn star she said
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
