She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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