if i can run in heels then i can drive
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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