just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
