There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
