Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
