Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
