She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
