i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
