Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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