my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
