...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
