Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
