at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
