The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's shark week go big or go home
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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