That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
