You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
