just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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