Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
