No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
