Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
