I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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