Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
