even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
