my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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