Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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