Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My life is pants optional.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
